Black Business, Love & Life

From the moment I first encountered Tiffany Simmons AKA The Plugs Lawyer, I was nothing short of intrigued. Ms. Simmons is an attorney, author, artist, producer, businesswoman, and most of all AUTHENTIC. Known as the “Black Judge Judy,” Tiffany is the self-appointed Judge of “Hood Court,” a “Cheaters” style reality court show where audiences chime in on the drama filled scenario of the day and Tiffany renders her verdict. 

However, Tiffany is so much more than her public persona as the Hood Court Judge. I was finally able to sit down to conduct this interview with Tiffany, even though I almost cancelled if due to sickness. But as many of us do, I pushed through and I’m glad that I did because this was in fact the last interview that she agreed to do for the remainder of 2022. We talk about business, love, and black women. Like her or not, Tiffany Simmons is a passionate, loving, creative woman that speaks her truth and provides a platform for others to do so as well. Here’s an excerpt of our time together. 

Question:  Let’s start with sharing your primary main motivation of becoming a lawyer?

Tiffany: Well, the biggest motivation is because that's what I know God called me to do. As I share in many interviews, even in my books, one of the major catalysts for me to become an attorney was me. Experience, and a not so pleasant experience, where I felt like no one spoke up for me, and I felt like I was on trial with the particular situation. That was the catalyst that told the five-year-old Tiffany that hey, you're going to be the voice for the voiceless, you're going to be an attorney.

Question: Thank you for that. Next, you are what I call a multipreneur because you have a lot of different projects going on. Tell us about a few of the projects that you have or had up until this point.

Tiffany: I am involved with a lot of things, but I just call it living my purpose. I am a business owner. Although I practice law, I am more than just an attorney. I am in a lot of movies and television. I also created my own show called “Hood Court” where I'm known as Hood Judge Judy, and we pull up on you like the show “Cheaters” and we fix your mess. So, you know, I've been coined the queen of fixing your mess, as of lately, and I enjoy doing the show. 

In addition to doing the show and living my purpose, I love to just enjoy life. We're all here to live a human experience. And I think a lot of times, people with titles, specifically lawyers, or female entrepreneurs, all of these labels that we can call ourselves, we get caught up in the labels and forget that we were supposed to live this life. So yeah, I do a lot of fun things.

Question: You have also authored several books. Tell us a little bit about those. 

Tiffany: I have currently 5 books. “The Plugs Lawyer” is a fiction book. It's a trap novel loosely based on my life. “The Plugs Lawyer” Part 2 will be coming out soon, and there will actually be a “Plugs Lawyer” Part 3. 

I also have “That’s Law,” which is a book for the millennial lawyer. It’s a short e-book to show the millennial lawyer how to be an attorney. The things that they don't teach you in law school and what you can do to have success in your law practice. And it's not necessarily just for new lawyers though. It is for seasoned attorneys who may not have their own private practice and they're leaving government jobs and they're starting their own firm. 

Another book that I have is called “Law and Family Order: Making the Case for Successful Moms To Be.” That book is my story and the stories of 11 other ladies where we talk about how you can balance a family life as well as balance business. We know that's a hot topic in today's world where we have women with kids, but they also have a career, and they may have a husband and they want to have it all. But it takes work to happen. 

I also have a book called “Look, But Don't Touch the Art!” a limited-edition poetry book with my poetry. It also has artwork that I painted as well as art of pictures of myself. So, I have a lot of variety for those that like books, from fiction to nonfiction, to self-help to just creativeness with my poetry books.

Question: That’s awesome! Now, you know dating and relationships is my thing. You have talents in so many different areas. Do you think that's had an impact on you dating and finding a compatible partner for you? 

Tiffany: I do think that because I am multitalented, that it does affect my dating. But that's good and bad. I have allowed myself to be around low vibrational people and low-quality people. That's the downside of me being involved on so many different platforms. I'm not just around corporate America, I'm not just around the streets, I'm not just around lawyer life, I'm not just around entrepreneurs and creatives. I'm around so many different people. So, the quality of people that is around me, it ranges and so that's something that I had to look at and notice for myself. However, the blessing of being involved in so many different things and doing so much outside of me being just a lawyer, I have been able to experience dating just at a good pace. 

I don't subscribe or agree to those stereotypes of not being able to find a compatible man. Or you know, if you make more money than the man then he's not good for you. Or, if you make less money than a man that he's going to control you. I throw that stuff out the window because I’m my own individual self. If I were to look at statistics, I wouldn't be here as the undefeated “Plugs Lawyer.” 

When I look at dating, I try to enjoy the moments of who I'm dating or what we're doing. Everybody you meet is not your wife or your husband. It could just be an experience. They might know who your husband or your wife is because they can be their best friend. A lot of times, in the context of powerful women or corporate women, we get so stuck on statistics, we get so stuck on dating stereotypes, we get so stuck on I have this title, so he has to be a certain way and a lot of women miss out.

There are so many professional women that are so f**king bitter in their attitudes and in their energy. I'm not trying to dog women or black women, but I'm saying this because I want us to do better. I want us to have better. I get the most hate from black female attorneys. I'm looking at that scenario and I think, why would men want to date a bitter woman? Why would they want to date a mean woman? Why would they want to date a woman who wants to wear the pants all the time? Although I am involved in a lot of stuff, and I wear the pants as an entrepreneur, a business owner, managing partner of Simmons Law, in my house, I'm the lady. I'm a woman. I'm the safe space for my partner. That's what I want to be and that’s the ideal that I have for myself. 

And let me say this, especially to black women. A lot of times we sit there, and we give and we give and we give and we are expecting someone to finally see us or hear us or to save us. That's not how it works. You're going to give yourself into a place of resentment and bitterness. Listen, if we know the stereotypes of, we’re always last on the list, nobody cares about us, nobody protects us, and all of the stereotypes, know that there are people that love black women and that love us. There are people that respect us. There are people that support us black women. 

But, to those that feel like you don't have any support or feel like you don't have any love, do not fall into that stereotype. Do what you need to do to save yourself. You cannot sit up here and continue to give and give again and not expect a receiver to take the shit. If you're giving all of your love, your energy, your business skills, your faith to something outside of you, someone is going to receive that. 

What does that mean for black women? That means change that around and put yourself in a space to receive. Put yourself in a space to receive so givers can give to you. It may feel uncomfortable. It may feel weird, it may feel like this is different, because it is I want different for all of us. So black women, if you don't take anything else from my interview with Ms. Tamika, “The Matchmaking Attorney,” take this - Put yourself in a space to receive love. Stop giving so much that you give yourself to death - that’s not God. God has more for all of us.

Question: You are so right. Now, one last thing. What advice would you give to professionals and/or entrepreneurs on how to balance their personal and professional lives. 

Tiffany: First, make sure your grab my books, because I share how I achieved multiple streams of revenue. I'm not just focused on my lawyer money. I have books, I have a production company, and I’m involved with so many different things. But we want you to have more than just success in your business. A lot of powerful people think that their life is good because they have success in business, but your spouse hates you or your kids don't mess with you. Having a good balance means really knowing that God is your source. God is your source outside of a job, your career, your business, your family, whatever. And when you know that God is your source, you will know the days that you need to say, maybe I don't need to go to work today because I'm not feeling my best on the inside. I know God is my source. So, this day, we are missing from work and I'm not afraid of missing from work. I'm not sitting here saying woe is me or how am I going to pay my bills, because I know that God is my source.

Another thing that people can do to get balance is to walk away from the things that are holding you down. Is it friends? Is it family? Is it that lover? Is it a woman that you are sleeping in the bed with at night? Only, you know, and we know on the inside what is right and wrong. 

Stop trying to make the shit hard. Stop trying to make it rocket science. A lot of times I look at human nature and behavior and a lot of stuff is simpler than what people want to make it. Sometimes balance is just going for a walk. Sometimes balance is forgiving yourself. Sometimes balance is writing out your feelings if you don't want to talk to a therapist. We have so many excuses of why we are not doing something. One thing I say in Hood Court is, “f**k those excuses!” I'm not good with excuses because I don't have excuses in my own life. If you want to be around me, we are going to grow. Get around people that grow and get around people that are committed to being good people. That’s it.

About: 

To contact or for additional information about attorney, author, host, artist, and entrepreneur Tiffany Simmons AKA “The Plugs Lawyer” and Hood Court’s “Black Judge Judy,” visit: https://theplugslawyer.com/

I have rented numerous cars over the years, especially to save on the wear and tear of my own vehicles while working. However, during and post pandemic, the cost of car rentals with traditional car rental companies like, Enterprise, Hertz, Avis, and the like shot threw the roof! So, when a friend of mine suggested Turo in 2021, I ended up booking a car the next day. Turo, a peer-to-peer car sharing company (like Airbnb, except for cars) has allowed car owners to rent their own personal vehicles for profit. 

Since utilizing Turo, I have had mostly good experiences. Then, I rented a fuel-efficient vehicle with Rod Dewberry, a pastor and former corporate power player, and had the best rental experience of my life. The ease of renting his vehicle was great and the customer service was OUTSTANDING! It was so great that I reached out to Rod for an interview because it was clear that he was going above and beyond to satisfy his customers. Retired from corporate America and in ministry fulltime, Rod still desired to utilize his corporate experience, but in the role of an entrepreneur. A conversation with a young man from his church about Turo, quickly turned into Rod and his father renting 2 vehicles to 6 vehicles within months of becoming a host on Turo. The nuggets given in this interview are most definitely a roadmap for anyone interested in joining Rod and his father as the rising kings of Turo. Join us as Rod shares his Turo journey, playbook, and advice for anyone looking into becoming another king in the peer-to-peer car sharing industry.

Question: Rod, thank you so much for joining me today to share your Turo host experience. First and foremost, what is your background and how did you get started with Turo?

Rod: What specifically led to the Turo adventure was that my dad had been retired for some years and I was a co-vocational pastor. So, since 1997, I had served in the local church and worked in corporate America. And I always wanted to go full time in ministry. But the context that I served in, didn't necessarily lend itself to that because the economics weren’t there. And I was very okay with being a pastor who worked a full-time job and didn't have any regrets about that. Well, in 2018, a unique opportunity presented itself, that would make it an opportunity for me to go into full-time ministry. The stars kind of the aligned, everything got in place, and I started working full-time in ministry. I never missed corporate America, but I missed some of the things that I did in the corporate space. 

The scoreboard in ministry was different. And while I was learning to speak that different language and move differently in that space, I missed the strategy, the sales dynamic, and certain elements of serving in a corporate capacity. At the same time, dad was looking for something to do in his retirement years and I'm looking for something that scratches that itch. Then, this young guy at our church was like, “Man, I'm thinking about putting this car on Turo, what do you think about that Pastor Rod?” And I was like, “What is Turo?” So, he told me what Turo was, and I went out and investigated it. I actually enrolled in an online master class called “The Car Rental Blueprint.” I went through this class, and just diligently absorbed all the information. Then I saw all these parallels between the way corporate America and car sharing and how I could bring that into this space. After I finished that course in early November, in early December we immediately hit the ground running and acquired our first 2 vehicles.

Question: What specific corporate principles did you apply to your Turo venture?

Rod: About 4 or 5 years into my corporate career, I came across an article that was a part of our training, written in the Harvard Business Review called the “Discipline of Market Leaders.” Back then, that article featured if I'm not mistaken, Walmart and Mercedes Benz. Today, those articles have been updated to include companies like Chick fil a, Apple, Delta, and Home Depot. That article was life changing for me in terms of the way to think about customer intimacy. This article outlined that companies who are at the absolute top of their game, have chosen to specialize in 1 of 3 categories. It doesn't mean they've abandoned the other two, but they specialize in 1 of 3 things. They are either leading by way of Price, Customer Experience, or they lead by way of Product. 

Once I read that article, I started paying attention to different companies. Every time I got on an airplane I was thinking about how is this airline priding themselves? Frontier and Spirit, they want to be the low-cost leaders. Delta, they are not lowering their cost, but guess what? Their plane is full. Why is it full? Because the people here came for a certain experience, right? There are certain things that you don't want to worry about, like where are my bags. I had Delta as a client in my corporate life, and I saw behind the curve, how serious they were about delivering the highest possible or the most excellent experience to the customers.

Question: Great distinction! We can talk about this for a while and we have already, but what is some advice that you would give to someone who is interested in starting a business as a host with Turo?

Rod: The first piece of advice I would give is to read Harvard Business Review article that I mentioned earlier and “The Art of Client Service.” After you do that, determine who you want to be in the market. 

Do you want to be the low-cost person? Do you want to be the service leader? Or do you want to be the luxury car experience? That will determine that amount capital needed to serve your type of clientele. 

Next, I would just ask the person to be very clear about who they want to be. What I learned in that article and what I've learned in business, is when you try to be all those things you end up making a mess of things. In other words, when I go to Walmart, I just assume I'm getting the lowest possible price for whatever. I don't expect anybody pulling up on me in the aisle asking, “Can I help you today?” – that’s not my expectation. 

You only have the bandwidth to be GREAT in one of those categories. You will always have to choose to be great in one and then you can get to be good in the other areas. Let that be the driver into the types of vehicles that you choose. 

Second, choose vehicles that you don't have any emotional attachment to. None of the vehicles that we rent are our own personal vehicles – the business owns them. So, am I a little bit peeved when somebody smokes in the Audi? Yes, but it's not like I'm going to be grouchy all the way down the road because I got to drive it to church. So, avoid vehicles that you have any emotional attachment. 

Also, I don't know how to communicate this as a positive, but I feel like I made this mistake, or I was about to make this mistake. Buying vehicles that you think are cool is completely different from buying vehicles that the market needs. You know how bad I would want a Tesla right now? I think it’s such a cool car and I really want to get one into the rotation. But a Prius is a much better buy right now, so my business mind says get a Prius and my personal mind says get a Tesla. But I need to pay attention to the market right now. People want fuel efficiency. Electric vehicles are fuel efficient because they don't require any gas. I have to ask myself will I be angry if the Tesla comes back with a ding, or some french fries on the back seat. That's the thing you must be mindful of. So, I would say are we purchase vehicles that make sense for the market regardless of how you feel about the car. Avoid emotional attachment.

Lastly, start slow. Get a vehicle and see how it moves. And okay, this vehicle can make roughly $800 a month. That then tells you, if you're going to finance all your cars, that tells you how you need to be negotiating. If car is going to make $800 a month and is insurance is $70/month, and the car is going to cost you $400/month - Are you comfortable with a $200 profit margin. If you are, then that’s your strike zone. But if you demand a $900 profit margin, that means that you've got to always buy cars at a well below market price. You may need to get a dealer’s license or start going to auctions. 

Now, what I love about Kia and Hyundai, initially their cars had 50k, 60k and 70k mile bumper-to-bumper warranties and they were really cheap. Well, they don't offer that same level of warranty anymore. They started to correct. They made price as their point of entry and then they gradually moved up and started creating the Genesis and all sorts of stuff. They gradually upped their game once they stole the market's attention. 

I pay attention to stuff like that. 

Now, if I have a new car in the lineup, maybe it's first few runs it needs to be lower priced so that it can capture some attention. Do I do the Hyundai and gradually raise it up? If you do, then get it to a level that is compatible with the market. What am I saying to the person who wants to get into this? You really need to be a student of the market. You need to have a game plan. I don't think you don't need to be like an expert. You don't need a degree in marketing. You don't have to work in corporate America. But you need to find a way to do business intelligently. Use analytics and just pay attention to what's going on with that first car. Pay attention to the second car and let each car inform you on how you're going to get the next vehicle.

Matchmaking has been around for hundreds of years, but not so much with Black Americans. Fortunately, that is changing amongst black professionals as it is becoming more recognized as an investment in terms of time and expertise. And most recently, Bravo’s “Love Match Atlanta,” which has been renewed for Season 2, has brought the topic of matchmaking into the homes and conversations of many black professionals. We had a chance to sit down with Shae Primus, a cast member of the Bravo show to share more about why she started matchmaking, her own past relationship experiences, dating tips, and how the show has changed her business and clientele.

Here's an excerpt of that interview with Shae Primus, who is no longer the Middle Class Matchmaker, but now the CEO of Upper Echelon Matchmaking…

Q: Thank you for joining us, Shae. Let’s start from the beginning by telling our readers what inspired you to go forward and start your matchmaking business.

Shea: So, honestly, for me, I've always had like a really big network. I have a whole lot of people I know a lot of people, especially in Atlanta - I know a lot of people. Whenever I would have events like birthday parties, or an event where it brings people together, people would ask me to hook them up. People would be there, and everybody wanted to meet each other all the time. 

Then one day, I was sitting in a Delta sorority meeting just talking to ladies and I realized how many women around me are just doing the damn thing. They're all successful. They're all smart. They all have their stuff together - Homes, cars, they have it all. At the same time, a common thread in conversations what that everybody was single. And I'm just like, dang, I have such a big network, I need to put the two together. I need to figure out how to help my network meet each other and meet quality partners because I know so many quality men, and there's so many quality women. So that's how my matchmaking business was started. Initially, I was like, let me just help my friends find love. That was about 10 years ago. So, I started “Middle Class Matchmaker,” to help my friends find love.

Q: There are a lot of good quality men and women out here, but many successful women say that there aren’t enough quality men out here to choose from. What is your response to that statement?

Shea:You know what, we do not have a shortage of good men and women. However, I think that we are too focused on perfection. We have this Instagram picture idea of who our mate is supposed to be. And it's this look, or he's got to be like Denzel Washington. And if he or she doesn’t, then I can't post them on my Instagram feed. And so, when we meet somebody who doesn't look like that, we then dismiss them, because he's not tall enough, and she's not slim enough, he doesn't have perfect white teeth - it's all these little things.

But we often think like this because we are successful. What happens is the same way we become critical about the house we live in, the car we drive, the schools that our kids attend, we're particular about all of it. We bring that into relationships, right? And it's like, whoa, you know, I only like Versace or Louis Vuitton, but people are not that. Or, you want a Ken, but you’re not a Barbie. 

That's the kind of reality I have to give to people who say, I don't want this person because he or she is not “designer.” We all have a standard that we're looking for, but sometimes that standard is unrealistic for men and women. We’ve become too picky. Good quality men and women are right in front of us, but we have this idea of what that person should look like, should be like, what kind of job they should have, how they should dress, all these things, that we dismiss these people.

Q: How has being a cast member on Bravo’s “Love Match Atlanta” changed your business?

Shea: One thing I'm grateful for Bravo is for having that platform where people even know that we as black matchmakers exist and that has been so amazing. For me, I'm so grateful for having the platform because people just don't know we exist. And it's so expensive, you know, to market, getting out there, billboards, and commercials. But the more publicity you get, the better. So, I had the show happen and I also attended Rick Ross's Boss Up conference. At the conference, Rick Ross asked me to match him to find his wife. Those things have catapulted my business, to a whole different demographic, which was the catalyst to rebranding my business from Middle Class Matchmaker to Upper Echelon Matchmaking. I can't match Rick Ross under Middle Class Matchmaker, so I had to switch gears. Being on Bravo and “Love Match Atlanta” has moved me forward in a way that I didn't even anticipate.

Q: In addition to matchmaking, you also Coach your clients. What approach do take with your clients as a dating coach?

Shea: I'm a no-nonsense dating coach. Do not come to me if you don't want the truth. I keep it 100% - that's my brand. One of the things I'm doing differently with Upper Echelon Matchmaking though is when I keep it 100%, I'm also going to refer you to different things. For example, if you tell me, you want this top-notch person, but your teeth are crooked, I'm going to refer you to a cosmetic dentist. I’m going to refer people out as opposed to just giving them this advice. 

Also, most women who have these height preferences are at least 6 feet tall. Well only 13% of men are 6 feet or taller, so you’re reducing your pool already because that’s only a handful of men and women are all fighting for those few taller men. But if you go down to just 5’10 or 5’9, you've opened your pool considerably. And trust me, there are a lot of quality men who are in those height ranges. Listen, I say date them all!

If you say that your preference is as tall man, but it hasn’t worked out with them in the past, then let's switch it up. If your type isn’t working for you, then let's switch it up. Once you tap into this pool of men who are 5’7 and 5’8, you're talking about a plethora of many successful brothers who got it together. And they're not six feet tall. Like that is an unrealistic expectation period, like across the board. Listen, both my exes or my children's fathers are six feet and above. And it didn't work. It didn't work. I’ll have tall children, and I’m thankful for that, but the relationships didn’t work, so I had to throw that formula out. Now, does that mean I won't talk to somebody who's 6 six feet or taller? No. It just means I'm not looking for height. I'm looking for good qualities and characteristics and I try to get other people to do the same. 

Q: Now recently, you shared on social media that there was a period of time that you were depressed and didn’t recognize yourself. Are you comfortable sharing that experience and how you bounced back from that state to now becoming an Upper Echelon Matchmaker?

Shea: Of course. If I’m being 100% transparent, it was because I put somebody before me. I love somebody so much that I put him and his needs and what he liked before mine. For example, I’m an extrovert and I love going out and mingling with people. He didn’t. He was an introvert, so we didn't go out often. I stayed home because he wanted to stay home. But I need to interact, I need to talk, I need to laugh, but I was conforming to somebody else and becoming whatever, he needed me to be, instead of being true to myself.

My former partner was also a taker and when you're a giver, like I am, it's up to you to set the boundaries. All takers do is take, and this is not a negative thing. Some people are just takers and other people are givers. And in my last relationship, all I did was give and give to the point I had nothing left - I was literally depleted. I didn't have anything to give myself, I had nothing left. You never want to get to that place. The worst form of betrayal to yourself is when you deplete yourself to the point that you don't have anything to even give yourself. 

You can’t pour from an empty fountain, and I was empty. That’s why I had to rebuild myself. I was in therapy for a year, and I just had to start small. It took over two years for me to transform back to where I am today. And I promised myself to forgive myself and I promised myself, I'll never do that again. I can love you from my overflow, but I have to stay full. I can give you anything that's outside of this cup, but this cup must stay full because there's nobody who can fill me back up when I’m empty. It’s my responsibility to fill me up. So, I got to keep myself full and give you to overflow. That's how I operate now, and it makes me a better mom, a better partner, a better businesswoman, and a better friend because I'm full.

Q: Thank you so much for sharing that because I know a lot of women can relate to being in a similar situation. We could go on, but before we go, let’s switch back to dating and relationships. What advice do you have for single professionals looking for love?

Shea: Yes, of course. Take the limits off. As it relates to location, sometimes we think of people as geographically unattractive, but they have everything you need. They have what you're looking for, they just live in a different place. But many of us have jobs where we can work remotely or work from home. Most of us have frequent flyer miles – use them. If you like someone in New Jersey, go visit him or her every other weekend and then they can come to you the other weekends – if that’s the one, make it work. And again, take the limits off height preferences. I think it really just helps us to find love. If you take those limits off, it’s that much easier for me to help you find love. 

ABOUT:

Shae Primus, a Certified Matchmaker and Dating Coach, a cast member of Bravo's "Love Match Atlanta," and formerly known as the Middle Class Matchmaker, is the owner of Upper Echelon Matchmaking. For additional information about Shae and her agency's services, visit: www.upperechelonmatchmaking.com today!